Tiesto: Kaleidoscope

Written by Svetlana Sforza | 30 January 2010

Tiesto Kaleidoscope

Tiësto, Kaleidoscope
Released: October 2009
Rating: 50 out of 100

An epic failure of galactic proportions, Tijs disappoints with his new-found sound. I understand branching off to do other forms and genres of electronic music, but something else occurs once your branch reaches into the R&B and hip-hop styles. With an inundation of horrendous vocalists and cheesy notes that I can't even call melodies, Tiësto needs to buckle-down and revisit his roots.

The title track of "Kaleidoscope" hosts a resonating chorus for the first 5 minutes. Then, we hear some uplifting chords. All right, I can deal with this for a sweet intro. But, I cannot deal with the monstrosity that is "Escape Me". An emo bass line with teeny-bopper lyrics makes me cringe. I'll just repeat what I said in the last 2 sentences for "You Are My Diamond". Even the title sucks. "I Will Be Here" almost has rhythm but...the 'here' sounds like, sheer? Cheer? I know the Dutch add that adorable hacking noise to certain letters, but I doubt that's the case shear.

Now, "I Am Strong" brings back remnants of "In my Memory" with pianos and soft lyrics, but sounds nowhere near as good. "Here on Earth" kinda bores me, but isn't that terrible. Tiësto leads nicely into "Always Near" which finally eliminates the lyrics, and gets down to a decent track. Unfortunately, that lasts a whole 90 seconds. Then, we're subjugated to the torturous "It's not the Things You Say", that has no defined musical pattern; just random notes and horrible vocals.

Ah finally, "Fresh Fruit" tastes like the track I've been waiting for, and that only took 9 songs to arrive. Awesome progressive beats and super-catchy melodies harmonize into a delightful spectacle of a song that I knew Tijs was capable of producing. Guess what? I can actually move along to these beats. Simple and driving, just like his songs should be, I vote this for my favorite song on here.

Getting reacquainted, "Century" hosts the same shoddy lyrics and unenthusiastic beats. Who would've guessed? I...cannot...hear..."Feel it in My Bones" nor "Who Wants to Be Alone"...any...longer, or my head will explode, please stop, end the torture. As I pull the bamboo from underneath my fingernails, "LA Ride" introduces a decent groove into this travesty. I'm confused and startled as I hear "Bend it like You Don't Care", because you can dance to this? Oh, I was upset until "Knock You Out" started playing. I wondered where the awful vocals and, wait, I know those melodies. That's "Somewhere Inside of Me" from ISOS 6, which I gave high praise. Oh T, you sneaky man; I caught you.

"Louder than Boom" reminds us of those great Nintendo soundtracks. With upbeat rhythms and a driving bass, I finally enjoyed another song on here. Lots of simple beeps and beats really tie this song together. And "Surrounded by Light" closes us out. But, as Tiësto slips further into his 40's, I can see his changing ways, which do not please my ears one bit. Pop could make you more famous, but definitely not a better musician.